How Boundary Problems Show Themselves

Do you know how boundary problems show themselves in dating?

Many single women are not aware of them until they suffer from dating fatigue or burnout and become single mothers as a result of having poor boundaries.

And worse than that, they deny that their boundaries are violated even when they suffer from fear, anxiety, and shame in dating and relating.

I know how it feels as I unconsciously experienced all these boundary issues.

 

Here are how you experience boundary problems when dating:

1. Not dating

You are on the sideline, wondering if your soulmate will ever find you, or if you will find him. This is often caused by boundary conflicts when you withdraw to avoid hurt and risk and end up empty-handed.

2. Being with the wrong person

When you have solid boundaries you attract people who are into responsibility and lasting relationships.

When your boundaries are unclear or undeveloped, you run the risk of allowing people inside who shouldn’t be there.

3. Loss of freedom to be Yourself

You will give up your identity and lifestyle to keep a relationship together. Then, when your true feelings emerge, your date doesn’t like who you really are.

As you are not accepted or validated as you are, you never reveal your real nature by uncovering your True-Self.

4. Dating from inner hurt rather than your values

When your boundaries are crystal clear, your values can dictate what kind of people fit the best.

If you have poor boundaries you have some soul-work to do and you unknowingly attempt to work it out in dating. For example, you can be controlling or picking passive or compliant men. Either way, your hurt part inside is picking, not you are choosing consciously based on your values.

5. Doing too much in the relationship

Solid boundaries help you know how much to give, and when to stop doing.

If you have weak boundaries, you overstep your boundaries and don’t know when to stop giving of yourself. You put your life and heart on hold for your beloved, only to find out that he was willing to take all that, but never really wanted to deeply commit.

6. Freedom without responsibility

Freedom must always be accompanied by responsibility. When you enjoy the freedom of dating but take no responsibility for yourself, the problem occurs.

You or your date may feel smothered and caged when relationships get serious and express it as being freedom-focused. The truth is that one of you sees relationships as captivity and not a loving partnership when deeper intimacy triggers the fear of commitment .

7. Control issues

You want to get serious sooner than your date. Sometimes in this situation, you may manipulate, dominate, intimidate or make your partner feel guilty.

Obtaining control is closely linked with reducing stress and anxiety. As it helps you cope with your worries and stressors, it may also be related to your feeling insecure, having low self-esteem or giving a traumatic response due to expressed or witnessed abuse or mistreatment in the past.

8. Not taking responsibility to say “No”

This describes “the nice girl” who allows disrespect and poor treatment by your date. Either you minimize the reality that you are being mistreated or simply hope that one day he will stop.

Indeed you disown your responsibility to set a limit on bad things happening to you.

9. Sexual impropriety

You or your date have difficulty keeping appropriate physical and sexual limits.

You or both of you avoid taking responsibility for the issue, or one of you is the only one with the “brakes”, or you both ignore the deeper issues that are driving the activity.

Does it resonate with you? Do you feel that you need soul-work?

What are the boundary problems that you have experienced? What are the emotions you felt as your boundaries were violated?

Share your thoughts and questions below in the comments section. I respond to every comment.

If you have the challenge of poor boundaries in dating, I’m here for you.

I’m more than happy to help you build strong, flexible and adaptable boundaries that can empower you to feel safe, comfortable, and free while dating.

Committed to your success in l❤️ve,

©Sumru İnal